The Breakup

I'm in an unhealthy relationship and I've decided to get out of it. I'm breaking up with my Smartphone.

We haven't been getting along well lately. I'm finding that its very clingy. It insists on being carried around everywhere - the car, the bed, the kitchen table, the playroom, the movies, the restaurants, even the bathroom for crying out loud. I've started to notice that my 8 month old son really hates it too. If he can't throw it or chew on it then he's constantly swatting it away if I'm holding the phone and playing with or feeding him. It, along with most other screens at my house, is turning my daughter into a zombie. Not the brain-eating gross-looking kind but the I-can't-be-bothered-with-anything-you're-saying-right-now kind.

My Smartphone is very demanding of my attention. When I put it down and step away, it sits there, staring at me. I can almost hear it saying, "Just take a quick look at Facebook. I bet someone liked your post...Don't you want to see if you have a new email...OMG! 10 people just liked your Instagram photo...I bet you want to check the weather, I have an app for that..." And on and on and on. And then it just has to buzz and blink and light up whenever anyone anywhere makes contact with me in some way, shape, or form. And if I don't acknowledge its notification quickly enough, it buzzes, blinks, and lights up again.

To be fair, it does have some redeeming qualities. I love the camera, Google Maps, and Clock. All useful tools condensed into one device. And while I'm very grateful for the ease it provided this past year during my project, My Year of Yoga, one thing my daily yoga practice has brought to my awareness is the absolute necessity of being present. Its taken over a year for me to truly and honestly realize what it means, what it feels like, and how my life is different when I am really, honestly, present. And I cannot be fully, honestly present as long as my Smartphone dictates as much of my life as I'm ashamed to admit that it currently does. Its distracting nature has affected my relationships, my patience, my stress levels, and my overall quality of life. So we're breaking up.

My intention, moving forward, is to practice and live in the present moment. To actively listen to what the people right in front of me are saying. To be fully engaged with the actual, tangible things in life and with the people around me, rather than with what and who is behind the screen. I intend to stay present to what is happening right now instead of scrambling to get a photo so I can post it on all my social media accounts. A memory is not really a memory when its only lived through a screen.

To make this all possible, my Smartphone is now just a Phone with special talents. It has a camera, a clock, a map, and text messaging. All my other apps are gone. I have to check email from an actual computer which means I won't be checking my email during every possible moment of downtime. I won't be checking anything for that matter, while I'm waiting around for an appointment, riding the elevator, or standing in line. I might be the weirdo just standing there, staring into space. But really, how is that any weirder than the two people I saw this weekend sitting across from one another at a restaurant both tapping away on their Smartphones and checking their Facebook pages? You won't see me on my social media sites much, with the exception of my blog posts, my periodic My Yogi Lifestyle posts (the continuation of My Year of Yoga), and the occasional special post I deem worthy of taking the time to share. My phone sits in the kitchen in a designated spot (like those crazy land line phones from the olden days), and when I walk by it, I'll see if I've missed a call or a message.  I'm not accessible 24/7 so if you need me, just call or text and if I miss you, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

My Yogi Lifestyle (Day 359)

‪#‎myyogilifestyle‬ is a continuation of ‪#‎myyearofyoga‬, picking up where I left off when the year came to an end. One of my intentions for the new year is to be mindful of where I channel my energy and I've come to realize that means spending less time in front of my telephone or computer screen and more time focusing on the Real that's right in front of me. I also, however, feel that my energy is well spent in sharing what I learn and how I live my yoga, and so, these posts will continue indefinitely but not daily. Here is what inspired me today...

My intention for today is to practice Santosha, or contentment. As humans, we seem to always be looking for the next thing, striving for more, and believing that what we have right now just isn't enough. As soon as we get what we want, we want something more. We push ourselves to hard, we are impatient with ourselves and our lives, and we end up breaking ourselves down, becoming less productive, less happy, and less at peace with the way things are. There is, no doubt, a great deal of good that comes from looking forward, setting goals, and working hard to achieve our dreams. The disconnect, though, is when we become disillusioned by this imagined future self or this imagined future life. We disconnect completely with the present and when we are not living in the present, we are not really living at all. We must continue to work toward our goals and intentions while at the same time, letting go of our attachment to some expected outcome. We must be content with and find peace with where we are now and with each step that we take along our journey. Each step is as significant, if not more so, than any final outcome. "Allow yourself to savor the sweetness of Santosha, and you'll find yourself deeply satisfied with much of what life has to offer." ~Constance L. Habash

Day 251 of My Year of Yoga

"People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness." ~Unknown
We always seem to be waiting for something, looking for the end result or the big reward. We have a hard time being content with whatever we are doing or wherever we are in the moment. We go so far as to make ourselves unhappy now in anticipation of some great joy that awaits us down the road. But what I've found as I've brought a daily yoga practice into my life, is that joy can only be found in the present. It's not something that we can work towards or that we are entitled to, it's something that we already have. We just have to stop waiting for it and let it in, right now, in this moment. 

No worries

I'm on Lesson 8 in A Course in Miracles.  The book found its way into my hands a few weeks ago and I'm completely immersed in it now.  Today's lesson is "My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts." Part of the exercise is to close your eyes and observe your thoughts: "I seem to be thinking about..."  Each time I've done this today, I've found a continuous stream of thought entering my mind.  Some thoughts involved worry or discontent, others happiness, others anticipation.  Its amazing the amount of useless thoughts that enter into our minds. I say useless because thoughts of the past (worries, fears, concerns, even those of happiness) serve no purpose.  What has happened in the past is over and done. And to talk of the future is even more unnecessary because there is no future. An interesting concept, which I was also baffled by when it first came to me. But, the future is only our mind projecting something that is not there. The future hasn't happened yet.  When it does, it is no longer the future, it is the present.  This brings up the concept that Time does not exist, which is why in yoga practice, we are so often saying, "calm your mind, be present." The present is the only place in which you can be.  But its the mind cannot grasp this.  Its that "Monkey Mind," the phrase that one of my yoga colleagues coined, that takes us on trips to the past and into the future.  When the mind is calm, the present is possible. While we live in a world that requires us to plan ahead, learn from our mistakes, and get to places at appointed times, being aware of and accepting the present moment, quiets those thoughts that preoccupy our minds and cause us undo stress and worry.  There are no worries.

Climbing the Mountain

Do you remember the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle?  There’s a movie version of it that my two year old, Maggie, loves to watch and its paired with a couple of other stories by the author including one of our favorites, Papa, Please Get the Moon for Me.  In it, a father brings the moon down to his daughter by climbing up a mountain to reach it.  Maggie is now completely fascinated with the moon.  She climbs up the steps in our backyard, reaches out her arms to the sky, and jumps up and down saying  “I can’t reach it!  Too far away!”  

I sometimes feel like we are all living our lives like this.  We are constantly climbing one mountain or another trying to reach something bigger and better than what we have right now.  There’s nothing wrong with having big dreams and goals.  There is something wrong with letting those goals remove you from the present.  Hard work, self-discipline, and goal setting are all great attributes and things that we have to do in our everyday life.  But we also have to live, now.  I firmly believe that life will happen and it will happen exactly as it is supposed to.   This is why we all have nothing to worry about.  Deal with situations when they happen and be mindful of the moment you have right now.   I’ve sometimes watched in frustration, as my daughter would stop to pick a dandelion, splash in a puddle, or pick up pieces of gravel and roll them around in her hand.  Let’s go, let’s go, I’d think, quit playing with everything you walk by.  I caught myself thinking this very thought just a few days ago while walking Maggie home from daycare.  I suddenly became aware of just how much I have to learn from her.  

The beauty of the innocent mind of child is a phrase I’ve heard before but it became pointedly relevant in my own life as I watched Maggie take in every little smell, sound, and texture in the short two-block walk home.  A child is such a mindful creature, full of curiosity, excitement, and wonder.  Each day now, I make it my intention to invite some of that child-mind back into myself.   Enjoy the moment you’re in.  It’s all you have.