Sell the Goat

In my yoga classes, I’ve told the following story which I came across while studying the yoga sutras:

"A man lived with his wife, mother-in-law, six children, some chickens, a horse, and a cow.  They were all driving him completely crazy.  So he went to the village rabbi to ask for help.  The rabbi said, 'Yes, I can help you.  Buy yourself a goat.'  Overjoyed, the man went out and bought a goat.  Now he lived with his wife, mother-in-law, six children, some chickens, a horse, a cow, and a goat.  His home was even more crazy than before!  So the man went back to the rabbi to tell him about the situation.  'I can help you,' said the  rabbi. 'Sell the goat.' So the man went out and sold the goat.  Now all he had was his wife, mother-in-law, six children, some chickens, a horse, and a cow.  It was quite peaceful without the goat."

Simply changing our perspective on a situation can make such a difference.  When things aren’t going well it feels like the weight of the world is on our shoulders.  If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Nothing is going my way,”  “Everyone is against me,” “No one cares,” then you’re not alone. When you are stewing in your anger or pouting over the way an interaction went with a loved one, try reminding yourself that you are making a choice to be in this state.  No matter how badly you want to put the blame on someone else, you alone have the power to change your perception of the situation.  Sell the goat. 

Let me give you an example.  I am a world-class pouter.  I can give the cold shoulder and the silent treatment like you wouldn’t believe.  Unless you’re my husband…then you’d believe it.  Often times I will lament to him about some situation or another that has arisen with which I’m dealing.  What I’m looking for is someone to simply listen and sympathize.  What he offers is advice.  I become upset and offended that he is not being supportive, and a draining couple of hours persist (yes, hours) where I barely say two words or crack even a hint of a smile.  Here’s where a fresh perspective comes in to play.  There’s always another side to the story, after all.   You remember the Golden Rule, right?  Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.  A great rule of thumb.  But I’ve heard about a new rule that I think is important for everyone to consider.  This is the “Platinum Rule:” Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.  In other words, treat others how they want to be treated.  When my husband has a situation to deal with, he wants advice and solutions.  Because this is what he wants, it makes sense for him to offer those to me.  He’s following the Golden Rule, but it’s backfiring.  I’ve heard so many women tell a similar version of this story and I’m sure just as many men have said the same from their perspective.  Instead of becoming frustrated or angry, what if we could just change our perception and see that this person’s intentions are good.  It’s not easy.  Our minds love to hold on to these negative interactions and manifest them into problems.  But like I’ve said before, there are no problems. So how can this be a problem?   Change your perception. Sell the goat.

Love, laugh, live...TGIF

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

          ~Groucho Marx

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop to look around once in awhile, you'll miss it."

            ~Ferris Bueller

 "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

            ~Abraham Lincoln

"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life."

           ~Omar Khayyam

"Love the life you live. Live the life you love."

          ~Bob Marley

"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."

          ~ Marthe Troly-Curtain

Happy Friday everyone! Go out and waste some time :-)

Don't worry...be happy

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen.  Keep in the sunlight. 

~Benjamin Franklin 

All that any of us really want is to be happy.  The trouble is, most of us are looking for happiness in all the wrong places.  Money, relationships, acceptance by others.  These are common culprits in the pursuit of happiness, but sadly, all of these things ultimately lead us down a road to unhappiness.

with most things we pursue in life, we are focusing on the result.  Try focusing on the action, the doing.  This goes back to the notion of mindfulness, of being present, which is really the key to finding joy and happiness.  I’ve found that I’ve had to integrate this into my life a little at a time.  I’m practicing this now every time I go for a run (the action).  I’m training for a race in November (the result), but when I’m running, I’m with nothing but my breath, the feeling of the cool air, the sounds of the birds and the early morning traffic. If my legs feel tired and sluggish I take notice but without thinking about or analyzing it.  If I’m feeling energized and refreshed, I again notice but don’t analyze.  This is simply accepting what IS.

The moment we stop accepting what IS, worry, anxiety, fear, guilt, and stress are free to creep back in.  But with all this worrying, fretting, or being irritated, all we're really doing is creating our own problems.  I'm reading The Power of Now, a Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle and, among other things that stopped my in my tracks, he explains that problems don't exist.  They are nothing but illusions that our mind creates.  “Problems are mind-made and need time to survive. They cannot survive in the actuality of the NOW.”  To bring me back to this idea, I love this exercise that he offers:  Ask yourself, what problem do I have at this moment?  Try it, and I bet you’ll find you don’t have a problem because they exist only in the past or the future.  You messed up a project at work today and your boss is upset with you.  This is not a problem because it happened in the past. It is not happening right now.  You’re worried about getting fired because of the mistake.  This is also not a problem.  That is the future.  How silly to be worrying about something that hasn’t even happened!  This is all just a waste of energy.  Instead, take Tolle's advice:

“Surrender to what IS.  Say “yes” to life – and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”

~Eckhart Tolle

Joy is Now

“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” 

~Thích Nhất Hạnh

            Mindfulness.  In yoga, we hear this word a lot.  Its usually paired with the phrase, “be present.”  So what exactly does that mean?  I’m going to borrow the term “Monkey Mind” from one of my yoga teacher training classmates to help describe this.  If you’ve ever experienced one of those times where your thoughts just kept racing around in circles, jumping from one thing to another, and preventing you from either sleeping, working, or simply relaxing, you’ll be able to relate to this term.  I remember suffering through a period of time a few years ago where I didn’t sleep for 3 straight days.  It was a most bewildering experience and I’m not entirely sure how I made it through my days.  I was teaching elementary school at the time and I remember walking into the classroom after the second sleepless night and feeling like I was in a dream.  I could barely feel my body, my eyes ached, all my senses seemed to meld together and it was as if I was walking into a vortex.  Yet on the third night, even though my body was begging for rest, my mind just kept spinning around thought after thought after thought.  If you allow it, the mind can be a powerful thing.  My colleague who coined the Monkey Mind term brilliantly described those thoughts as a monkey, swinging around from branch to branch, climbing up one tree then jumping over to the next, and really, just monkeying around inside your head.  Mindfulness is when we quiet that monkey and come into a relaxed state, fully aware of the present moment and that moment only.  We observe, without judgment, the sensations within and around our body, the noises, the smells, our feelings, even our thoughts.  Observing our thoughts without thinking might seem contradictory but its possible.  Think of it as stepping outside of yourself and hovering above your body and just watching, without thinking or analyzing, as those feelings and sensations swirl about.  Without fighting against them, allowing them to just “be.”  I try to do this every time I find my mind lost in some event or situation from the past or projecting into the future.  Coming back to the present brings on a relaxed state in which mindfulness occurs and in which we can find joy.  When something bad happens, accept it as what is.  Our misery comes when we wish things weren’t the way they are.  When things are good, be aware of and enjoy all the good, then accept it when it goes away.  There is joy in being perfectly content with things exactly as they are, in this moment, good or bad. 

I love how James Baraz, author of Awakening to Joy: 10 Steps That Will Put You on the Road to Real Happiness describes it: “Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).”