(Not) Being Super Woman

With Halloween just around the corner, I've been trying to decide what I should dress up as. The other day, after running the kids from place to place, grocery shopping, preparing dinner, and getting my early morning workout in, I practically fell into bed and sarcastically declared that I was going as Super Woman because that way I wouldn't need a costume. Only I don't really see myself as Super Woman, just as a woman trying to be inordinately Super. And honestly, I really can't justify this need to do it all, and it takes every ounce of what I've learned from my yoga practice to let go of perfection and accept that I'm enough just the way I am. 

I recently transitioned from nearly full time yoga instructor to stay-at-home mom. This has been a huge shift for me with my biggest challenge being my battle against self doubt and guilt about whether I'm doing enough and whether I'm doing it all well enough. The guilt usually comes in the form of not being able to do it all. I stay home. I don't have to be in the studio most of the day like I used to or in the office all day like most of my friends. So how is it that I don't have a perfectly put together house? Why are mac n' cheese, pizza, and leftovers regulars on my dinner menu rotation? How am I not able to make all the made-from-scratch creative meals I thought I would when I decided to stay home? Why do my floors always look a little gross (the dog has something to do with it) and why does it take me an entire week to get even a few errands run? I've asked myself, "Am I being lazy? Am I being selfish?" After all, a chuck of my time is taken up with my yoga practice, running, and, like right now, sitting down to write. 

What I have to remind myself is that doing things I enjoy and taking care of myself to stay healthy and fit are not selfish. They are, actually, quite selfless. I've used this analogy before and it came to me in an article I read the other day: if you're on an airplane and the oxygen masks drop down, you put yours on first then help others. It makes so much sense. If we can't breathe, how can we take care of anyone else? Women are often considered the nurturers, givers, and caretakers, and so we often give ourselves to others to the point where we have nothing left for ourselves. If we could just let go of something and allow time to nurture our own selves, to let ourselves be enough without guilt or shame, then and only then can we truly help and nurture others.

The question is, can we ever just be enough for ourselves? Women today are told that they can have it all. We are remarkable multi-taskers. We are, it seems, expected to be attentive moms, doting wives, and work full time. We can be the breadwinner and the housewife and still spend time with our friends. We can stay fit and healthy and keep ourselves put together. And I suppose that we can do all of this…if we want to sacrifice sleep (because there really are just not that many hours in the day), and drive ourselves (and everyone around us) completely crazy. The truth is, we can't do it all, and when we do manage to squeeze it all in, much of it is done half heartedly and without presence. I completely believe that its ridiculous and unhealthy to try to convince ourselves otherwise. Presence, not perfection, is the intention.

I've always been a people pleaser. I'd say yes to just about anything in order to help out someone else. And while wanting to help others is a wonderful and admirable quality, I learned pretty quickly that when you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to another. When I started having children, I kept saying yes to everyone and everything outside of my family. Then I'd be resentful of how busy I was and how little time I had with my husband and baby daughter. I sometimes look back and struggle to remember fully my daughter's infancy. I was there for it, but I wasn't present. As my yoga practice progressed, I began to realize this.  When my son was born this past spring, I made the conscious choice to be present for him and for my daughter and husband as well. For me, this meant choosing to stay home. I know plenty of incredible women, nearly all of my friends as a matter fact, who work full time and are attentive, loving mothers and wives at the same time. Its not about choosing one or the other, its about making conscious choices that keep you happy and healthy.  For me , the decision to stay home wasn't an easy one but I know it has been the right one. And while it's not always easy, while the guilt still creeps in and the self doubt ebbs and flows, I'm finally learning that I have nothing to prove to anyone. I'm no Super Woman and I can't do it all. I do need time for me, and that's perfectly ok. When I'm good on the inside, I'm good on the outside. And as Maya Angelou reminds us: "You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody." Take care of you so that you can be your best self for others.