Letting It Go: How Yoga Cured My Obsession With "Putting in the Miles"

I used to be a very avid distance runner. I ran marathons, half marathons, and 200 mile relay road races. A 10k felt like a sprint and a 5k wasn't really worth it. I ran 6 days a week, usually at least 5 miles a day, and this was during the off season. I hate to admit it, but there was a time when I called myself a runner not just because I ran, but because I ran long distances. I thought running less would make me less of a runner. At the time, I emphatically claimed to not have an obsession with putting in those miles each week, but looking back, it seems pretty obvious; I was all about those miles.

Then along came my now-4-year-old daughter, who, as it turns out, brought yoga into my life. During my pregnancy I ran for the first 5 months or so, then walked or did the elliptical when that became too uncomfortable. This was the beginning of my practice: Letting go. I had to let go of 30+ miles a week and eventually, running altogether. I had to let go of doing things on my own time, getting my workouts in every day, and bouncing right back to my pre-pregnancy body and level of fitness. I had to let go of trying to be perfect and I had to reevaluate what was really important. I started doing yoga once or twice a week then eventually began running again. But something had shifted with my running by this time. I was still pretty determined to get my miles in each week once I recovered from child birth but now my intention was different. It was more about staying healthy and active than miles. I gradually became more and more aware of how I felt during my runs and the need to push through pain began to subside. I walked when I needed to, I stopped to stretch when my muscles felt fatigued or sore, and I gave myself the day off when I was just too tired. Some of this was the effects of mommyhood but it was also the start of my mindfulness practice and the start of my daily yoga practice.

In yoga we practice mindfulness in many ways, one of them being through body awareness. As we move through and hold poses and as we breathe purposefully, we learn to recognize and listen to the subtleties of our bodies. We become aware of where we are tight or stuck. We recognize our holding patterns and what we are clinging to. We learn to let go of what no longer serves us. For me, I've learned that, at this point in my life at least, those miles no longer serve me. I run because it feels good and it's good for me. I run because it makes me happy. But when it stops feeling good, when it feels like a chore, not a choice, then I stop, take a break, and do something else that brings me joy.

One of the most profound things that yoga has taught me is to be present - present to my breath and present to what my body needs and is experiencing. Yoga is not about pushing through pain, rather it's about recognizing and honoring our limits. It's about being kind and compassionate starting with ourselves and being present to the sensations of our body.

I imagine I'll go back to distance running when my kids aren't so little or when I have more time or just whenever it feels right, but for now, I have permission from myself to be content right where I am.